Have you ever felt misunderstood or overwhelmed by conventional dating advice? Are you tired of hearing about how “dating is just a numbers game”?
Much of conventional relationship advice doesn’t take introversion into account.
What Is An Introvert?
Introverts are people who focus inward and tend to be more in touch with their thoughts and feelings. They are best known for needing alone time to recharge their energy. Sometimes, people mistake that fact to mean introverts are shy – but that is not always the case.
Introverts do, however, tend to prefer smaller groups of 1-3 people rather than feeling alone yet surrounded by a large group of people.
As an introvert, you are probably looking for a relationship that hits on a deeper level. Seeking that deeper connection might make dating in an era of hookup culture difficult – but that doesn’t mean dating is impossible.
And, as an introvert, you might also dread the idea of going on a date, feeling lost by obligatory small talk.
But you can date with your own set of rules, too, and this guide will help you create them.
How to create your own rules and date as an introvert:
1. Know How Self-Aware You Need Your Partner To Be
Because introverts spend so much time thinking inward, they tend to be self-aware. What level of self-awareness are you looking for in a partner? Some people aren’t as self-reflective. Are you willing to support someone who’s willing to learn?
2. Let The Person You’re Dating In, Too
Do you have a harder time letting people in? Sometimes introverts give off the impression that they are not interested. People may find it difficult to get to know you. Ensure that you are sharing and opening up about yourself, too!
- Don’t be ashamed of the things you love, no matter how “nerdy” or ” childish” they may seem to others. Whether it’s Lord of the Rings or puppies, be proud of the joy they bring you. Let your interests be a source of strength, not shame.
- Share your hobbies and interests, too!
- When your date answers a question, try to relate with them by sharing something similar about yourself too. It’ll make the conversation flow better and you’ll get to know each other better. Plus, it’s always nice to share stories and laugh together.
3. Give Yourself Recharge Time
It can be easy to let your battery run low, especially if you’re busy with work or other commitments. But it’s important to be cautious about this and make sure you give yourself time to recharge. Otherwise, you’ll show up to your dates feeling resentful and drained of energy. So take some time for yourself and make sure you’re recharged and ready to go before your next date.
4. Choose Dates That Aren’t Too Hectic
Choose a comfortable setting for a date. If conversation over dinner is not your idea of fun, then plan an experience or activity you can do together. Try to choose something that won’t overwhelm or overstimulate you:
If you’re not the type of person who enjoys long conversations over dinner, then don’t worry – there are plenty of other date ideas that can be just as fun (if not more so). Here are a few things you and your date can do together:
- Go for a walk or hike. Getting some fresh air and exercise is a great way to spend time together, and it’s also very calming. Plus, it’s a great way to get to know each other better.
- Play tourist for the day. If you live in a city, pretend you’re tourists for the day and explore all the different attractions. This is a great way to learn more about your date and also have some fun at the same time.
5. Go At Your Own Pace
Try not to fall into pressure to move faster or turn dating into a numbers game. Do what works for you and what makes you comfortable! Go to places you enjoy and find ways to skip the small talk if that’s what you prefer.
It’s not a competition. The most important thing is that you’re enjoying yourself and finding someone who makes you happy. So, relax and go at your own pace. There’s no need to rush into anything.
6. Treat Each Date As Practice
Sometimes we might automatically think something is high stakes, and then feel devastated if it doesn’t work out. Instead, take on the mindset that every date is practice. Ask open ended questions and commit to learning something from each date.
Dating can be a daunting experience, especially if you’re not used to it. It’s natural to feel nervous and self-conscious on a first date, but try to relax and remember that every date is simply practice. The more dates you go on, the more comfortable you’ll become.
Don’t take it too seriously. A date is not a commitment, so there’s no need to put pressure on yourself or the other person. Just enjoy getting to know someone new.
Be positive. Focus on the things you like about the person you’re with, rather than dwelling on any negative thoughts or feeling uncomfortable about certain topics of conversation.
Practice makes perfect. The more dates you go on, the better you’ll get at it!
7. If You Are Dating An Extravert, Emphasize That They May Not Understand At First
Your extrovert date might move at a different pace or want to go out all the time. They might not understand your need to recharge alone. Commit to gently explaining your perspective and being transparent with how you are feeling and what you need.
Dating as an introvert might just feel different overall. You might feel overwhelmed or that there is something wrong with you.
But as an introvert, you have superpowers! The people you date will be so lucky to be around your empathetic, understanding, and vulnerable energy.
About The Author: Otto Wright is a budding author and traditional wet shaver.